How To Complain the Right Way

Introduction

Ever found yourself thinking, "Why is David micromanaging everything I do?" Well, maybe not specifically David, but the sentiment is all too relatable. We've all shared similar conversations with coworkers about challenging managers or colleagues.

It's a common belief that venting magically solves problems. We've all been there, nodding in agreement with our co-complainers. But, let's take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Does this type of complaining truly resolve anything?

Research indicates that the kind of complaining where nothing gets resolved adversely affects both mental health and workplace dynamics. A better alternative exists—productive complaining. It involves not just venting but reframing, and actively seeking solutions.

Problem with Complaining

In a Hidden Brain Podcast appearance, Dr. Mike Baer delves into the detrimental effects of frequent workplace complaints. Consistently discussing negative experiences correlates with an increase in anger, a decrease in hope, and a diminished capacity for forgiveness toward the receiver of the complaints [1].

My own experience reflects this. Once I complained about a co-worker's annoying behavior, I couldn’t stop focusing on that behavior. I fixated on it, wanting new content for my complaints. The more I fixated, the more I disliked the coworker.

At the end of the day, the complaining worsened both my mental health and my relationship with the person.

Productive Complaining

The better alternative, as Dr. Mike Baer suggests, is to follow complaints with active reframing and solution-seeking [2].

Here is a real-life example from my workplace. We have an open-office floor plan. That means whenever coworker X dry-coughed from two aisles over. I could hear it with my ears, and feel it with my body. The constant dry coughing bothered me. A LOT.

Practicing productive complaining, I took the reframing step. I put myself in coworker X’s shoes. I realized that all that dry coughing must not be enjoyable.

Then, I took the step to find a solution. I brought in some cough drops and offered the coworker a few.

To my surprise, not only did the coughing frequency decrease, but my reaction also changed. My annoyance turned into genuine concern, hoping the coworker would recover soon.

Conclusion

Recognizing the pitfalls of aimless complaining and embracing the power of productive complaining can transform your professional relationships and your mental well-being. Dr. Mike Baer's research and my personal experience underscore the effectiveness of this approach.

Productive complaining is more than venting; it's a strategic effort to improve our work environment. Together, we can foster workplaces where communication is constructive, conflicts are resolved, and the atmosphere promotes growth.

Action Item

When you catch yourself complaining, take proactive steps:

1. Identify the Event and Person: Clearly define what's bothering you and who is involved.
2. Empathize: Put yourself in the other person's perspective. Understand their viewpoint.
3. Find a Solution: Instead of dwelling on the problem, actively seek a solution and communicate it to the person involved.

How have you applied productive complaining in your professional or personal life? Share your experiences in the comments below!

References

[1] “How to complain productively,” Hidden Brain Media, 03-Jan-2023. [Online]. Available: https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/how-to-complain-productively/

[2] M. D. Baer, J. B. Rodell, R. K. Dhensa-Kahlon, J. A. Colquitt, K. P. Zipay, R. Burgess, and R. Outlaw, “Pacification or aggravation? the effects of talking about supervisor unfairness,” Academy of Management Journal, vol. 61, no. 5, pp. 1764–1788, 2018.