How To Be More Content With Your Life

Introduction: the Beef Skewer Distraction

At a conference reception, I found myself distracted by the aroma of beef skewers. I lost focus on the conversation with my peers, missing both the skewer and a meaningful exchange.

“Just a small-town girl, living in a lonely world…” Journey’s classic song played in the background as the sharp minds of the signal integrity industry gathered at DesignCon 2022. Complimentary drinks flowed, and I was part of a circle of five engineers, enthusiastically discussing topics in our field.

As I prepared to contribute to the conversation, the smell of beef skewers wafted through the air, hijacking my focus. My eyes tracked the tray as it moved around the room, but it passed by our circle without stopping.

I missed my chance to grab a skewer and lost track of the conversation. Eventually, I realized I had missed both the skewer and a meaningful exchange with my colleagues.

This distraction led to a profound realization of life’s bigger picture. In that moment, I wished I had remembered the wisdom of Epictetus:

“Remember that you must behave in life as at a dinner party. Is anything brought around to you? Put out your hand and take your share with moderation. Does it pass by you? Don’t stop it. Is it not yet come? Don’t stretch your desire towards it, but wait till it reaches you.”
— Epictetus

A few years later, I distilled this wisdom into three simple phrases:

• Expect nothing
• Accept everything
• Live in the now

Expect Nothing

At the reception, by expecting nothing, I could have let the skewers pass without a second thought, remaining fully engaged with my colleagues.

Extending that to my everyday life, I learned to be healthily detached from outcomes that are outside of my control.

I will always put my best foot forward in treating others and performing my work. When it comes to questions like “Will people like me?” or “Will the company give me a raise?” I expect nothing and let the universe answer.

Accept Everything

As the universe provides me with the answers, I learned that it is important to practice “accepting everything.”

The universe works in mysterious ways. What may seem unreasonable now could catalyze growth later.

As I become more flexible and “accepting everything,” I am more at peace when events occur. Just as the river accepts rocks along its journey, we, too, must accept obstacles as part of our path.

Live in the Now

Once I learned to expect nothing and accept everything, a passive feeling rose up. I hated to be passive. I want to be proactive and make changes.

This is when I realized expecting nothing and accepting everything are only half of the picture. Instead of letting life happen to me, I need to make life happen. That’s the importance of living in the now.

It is not about being impulsive. It is about staying focused in a conversation. It is about staying aware of the finite number of breaths we will take. It is about remembering that our days are numbered.

Summary

Life often distracts us with fleeting desires, much like the aroma of beef skewers at a conference reception. By grounding ourselves in the wisdom of Epictetus, we can navigate these distractions and find contentment.

The key lies in three simple phrases: expect nothing, accept everything, and live in the now.

Expecting nothing helps us stay engaged with the present moment, accepting everything teaches us resilience and balance, and living in the now empowers us to take proactive control of our lives. These principles guide us to a deeper contentment, allowing us to focus on what truly matters and embrace life’s journey with clarity and peace.

Action Item

• Think of the thing that keeps you up at night
• Is there anything you can do to make the situation better?
• If yes, say. “I am not worried because I can do it.”
  If no, say, “I am not worried because everything will work out how it should.”