Find Your North Star

Have you had one of those really long days? You know, the one where you came back to your cold, empty, one-bedroom apartment and just spread yourself on your couch? You looked straight up to the off-white popcorn ceiling and put your hands behind your head.

“What am I doing on this earth?”

You asked out loud. The empty apartment didn’t have an answer.
And neither did you.

I remember that day. I was coming back from work and had gotten Chinese takeout for dinner.

I placed the plastic bag of Chinese food on the living room table and lay on the couch next to it. I did all I could to get ahead but felt left behind. I felt like I was doing everything, but going nowhere.

Life Is an Ocean and You Are a Boat

In this life is an ocean analogy, you are a boat launched by your parents. You were given a heartbeat and brought into this world. Years go by, and you find yourself in the middle of the ocean. Lost. Directionless. Anxious.

The technical term for this feeling is having an existential crisis. As defined in the APA Dictionary of Psychology, it is

a crucial stage or turning point at which an individual is faced with finding meaning and purpose in life and taking responsibility for his or her choices [1] .

As we enter this stage of life where we ask the BIG question, "Why am I here?" there are external forces that would influence our answer.

Waves and the Wind

The waves and wind would carry and move the boat in the ocean. In the same way, your culture and the society around you would push and pull you in different directions.

As discussed in the recent episode of the podcast, Hidden Brain, "Who Do You Want To Be [2]," if we simply allow the culture and society to dictate our directions in life, we are seldom satisfied with where we end up.

I remember growing up in Taiwan, and I had this idea that I would be married by 26 and have 2 kids by the age 30. I didn’t consider that it takes two to get married (and have babies). There was no way for me to predict when and where my better half would show up. The Taiwanese culture and my family dictated a course for me, and I didn’t question it. NOT ONE BIT.

Fast forward to the day I turned 26. I was living in an 8” by 11” room in Boulder, Colorado, and still single. I knew them 2 kids ain’t coming any time soon.

I realized right there. If I don’t have a clear direction of my life. I would be pushed and pulled by the culture and the society.

Coincidentally, in the same week, my doctoral advisor asked me, “Why are you getting your degree? where do you see yourself in 5 years?” “What’s your life’s mission?”

I was able to answer the first two questions. The third one stunned me.

Growing up in Taiwan, I was pushed and pulled by the Chinese culture and family expectations. I had not thought of myself as the captain of this boat.

Find Your North Star: Personal Mission Statement

To answer the question, “What’s your life’s mission?” I googled personal mission statement.

A personal mission statement defines who you are as a person and identifies your purpose, whether that’s in the office or simply in life. It explains how you aim to pursue that purpose, and why it matters so much to you [3].

But how do you write a personal statement?

I developed a 5-step approach.

1. Find an activity (or activities) that makes you forget time, brings you a smile or empowers you
2. Use a verb or verbs to describe the activity or activities
3. Explain and add to the verb/verbs
4. Add your contribution, and how you make an impact in the world
5. Learn more about yourself and the world, and revise your mission.

Here is an example of my draft and revision:

1. Activity: I like teaching people and making people laugh
2. Verbs: Educate, entertain
3. Explain and Add: My life's mission is to educate and entertain.
4. Contribution and impact (2017): My life's mission is to use my intellectual and physical abilities to educate people and entertain them.
5. 2022 Revision: My life's mission is to use my intellectual and physical abilities to connect with people, inspire them, and to serve them. By being my friendly and curious self, I can connect with others and bring them joy while learning from them. By showing my leadership, I can inspire people to be the best version of themselves. By being a humble and diligent servant to the people, I can help those who are in need, bring peace and love to improve the world little by little.

After 3 minutes and 12 seconds of ceiling staring, my growling stomach urged me to get up and eat the Chinese takeout. I meticulously untied the plastic knot. Awaiting me was the classic folded paper container and a fortunate cookie. Always curious about what my fortune would be, I cracked open the cookie like a man with a mission.

When you feel lost in the ocean of life, find your north star. It shall guide you to where you need to be.

Action Item

Create your personal mission statement

1. Find an activity (or activities) that makes you forget time, brings you a smile or empowers you
2. Use a verb or verbs to describe the activity or activities
3. Use the verb/verbs in a sentence
4. Add your contribution, and how you make an impact in the world
5. Learn more about yourself and the world, and revise your mission
6. (optional) Share your personal mission statement in the comment section

References:

[1] https://dictionary.apa.org/existential-crisis
[2] https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/what-do-you-want-to-be/
[3] https://www.ramseysolutions.com/personal-growth/mission-statement-101